LYRICS/SONG CLIPS

Ode To My Car

Samples: Real Audio - Wav - Aif

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Here we go

Piece of shit car
I got a piece of shit car
That fuckin' pile of shit
Never gets me very far

My car's a big piece of shit
'Cause the shocks are fucking shot
And my seatbelt's fucking broken
I got to tie it in a knot
(It's a piece of shit)

I can't see through the windshield
'Cause it's got a big fuckin' crack
And the interior smells real bad
'Cause my friend puked in the back
(It's a piece of shit)

(Piece of shit car)
Piece of shit car
(He's got a piece of shit car)
It sucks royal dick
(That fuckin' pile of shit)
100% crap
(Never gets him very far)
Oh fuck you car

It's got no CD player, it only got the 8-track
Whoever designed my car can lick my sweaty nut sack
(They can bite his ass too)
And I got no fuckin' brakes
I'm always way out of control
Eleven times a day I hear "Hey, watch it asshole"
(You fuckin' piece of shit)

(Piece of shit car)
I got a piece of shit car
(He got a piece of shit car)
Diesel gas sucks my ass
(That fuckin' pile of shit)
That pile of metal shit
(Never gets him very far)

Oh what the fuck did I do
What the fuck did I do
What the fuck did I do
To get stuck with you
You're too wide for drive-thru
And you smell like the shoe
But I'm too broke to buy something new
Oh fuck me

Well the engine likes to flood
The car always fuckin' stalls
And the seat cushion's got a big rip
So a spring always pokes the balls
(Ouch, ouch, ouch)
Plus the door locks are busted
I gotta use a fucking coat hanger
(What a pain in his ass)
And if a girlie sees my car
There's no chance I'll ever bang her
(He never ever gets da pussy)
Hey shut up
You piece of shit car

You piece of shit car
Bald fuckin' tires
No rearview fucking mirror
Seven different colors
Fucking rag for a gas cap
Tailpipe makes the sparks fly everywhere
Oh the whole town thinks I'm a loser
Cabby give me a push

The Chanukah Song

Samples: Real Audio - Wav - Aif

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Put on your yarmulke
Here comes Chanukah
So much funukah
To celebrate Chanukah
Chanukah is the festival of lights
Instead of one day of presents, we have eight crazy nights

When you feel like the only kid in town without a Christmas tree
Here's a list of people who are Jewish just like you and me
David Lee Roth lights the menorah
So do Kirk Douglas, James Caan and the late Dinah Shore-ah

Guess who eats together at the Carnegie Deli
Bowser from Sha Na Na and Arthur Fonzerelli
Paul Newman's half Jewish, Goldie Hawn's half too
Put them together, what a fine lookin' Jew

You don't need "Deck The Halls" or "Jingle Bell Rock"
'Cause you can spin a dreidel with Captain Kirk and Mr. Spock - both Jewish

Put on your yarmulke
It's time for Chanukah
The owner of the Seattle Supersonicahs
Celebrates Chanukah

O.J. Simpson, not a Jew
But guess who is? Hall of famer Rod Carew - he converted
We got Ann Landers and her sister Dear Abby
Harrison Ford's a quarter Jewish - not too shabby

Some people think that Ebenezer Scrooge is
Well he's not, but guess who is
All three Stooges
So many Jews are in showbiz
Tom Cruise isn't, but I heard his agent is

Tell your friend Veronica
It's time to celebrate Chanukah
I hope I get a harmonicah
On this lovely, lovely Chanukah
So drink your gin and tonicah
And smoke your marijuanikah
If you really, really wannakah
Have a happy, happy, happy, happy Chanukah
Happy Chanukah

Steve Polychronopolous

Samples: Wav - Aif

I'm a big fuckin' dick
I'm a pain in your ass
I drink all your beer
I'll eat the last slice
I'll give you charley horses
I'll pull your shorts down at the beach
I always need a ride
Nobody likes me

My name's Steve Motherfucking Polychronopolous

I spit when I talk
I swear in front of your mother
I throw shit at the movies
I wear tight pants
I ask you to buy an extra Yankee ticket
And then I don't show
I tell you I saw your girlfriend
Fucking two guys at a party

'Cause my name's Steve Motherfucking Polychronopolous

I'll piss on your toilet seat and tell your dad you got stoned
I'll borrow your jacket and never think of returning it

Polychronopolous
Pansy
Pussy
Shit for brains
Douchebag

I'll leave your gate open
So your dog runs away
I'll make fun of your pimple
Then I'll grab your sister's ass

'Cause my name's Steve Motherfucking Polychronopolous

And I don't care
And I don't give a shit

I'll break your brother's stereo
And then tell him it was you
You think you're better than me
Well you're fucking wrong

Everyone knows I'm Steve Motherfucking Polychronopolous

Deal with it

Crazy Love

You don't mind that I think everybody's a robot
And all my conversations are being recorded

And you don't mind that all my pants are way too short on me
And I also stabbed someone with a pair of scissors a long time ago
Ha-ha-ha

And you don't care that I collect dead animals from the side of the road
Then pretend they're alive and think I'm a famous football player

And you don't have a problem with me when I follow people I never met before
And force them to look at the portrait of Neil Diamond I have tattooed on my back

It's very pretty, baby

Well you must have been sent from above
You're all that I can think of
You're just as psychotic as me
My crazy love

Well it never bothers you when I wear my snowsuit to bed every night
And I make you speak in tongues to me until I fall asleep
Blah bloo blah bloo bloo
Thank you

And you don't make fun of me 'cause I still make out with my stepfather
And I also tell everyone I was on a UFO for two and a half years

I believe you sugarpie

'Cause our love is right on track
I'm yours, you're mine it's a fact
Don't forget to take your Prozac
My crazy love

Well yesterday I tickled a man who wasn't even there

Oh, three days before that I ran down the street in my Wonder Woman underwear

I didn't care

Babe I know I never had a job
'Cause I'm afraid to talk to people
'Cause I know that they're all robots who are seekin' information

They can't fool you, sweetheart

And I know that you know that I'm the one who burned my cousin Chester's house to the ground
But you told the cops we were out ballroom dancing when they came and questioned you

I ain't no fink, dollface

'Cause we know that it's true
Only I could love you
We both eat with our hands
My crazy love

My crazy, crazy love
Oh I wish everybody was dead except for you, baby
I feel the same way
Would you throw some macaroni on me
Oh yeah, here you go

Dip Doodle

Jabawokee ding dong
Slip slap slee
Dipstick paddywhack
Pee pee googalee gee
Polly wolly sling slang
Skooey dibbely doo
Wing wong ping pong King Kong Cheech 'n Chong
Hop hip kagagoogoo
Hickory dickory slickory flip flap
Dip skip to my Lou
Flim flam wham blam Sam bam Cunningham
Whack snack koochie koochie koo
Plus you gotta dip, you gotta doodle
You gotta eat Grandma's stroodle
'Cause she stayed up all night to make it from scratch
You gotta gish, you gotta gash
You gotta wax Grandma's mustache
And lay out her socks
To make sure they match
Whoa, you gotta help out your Grandma

Slappety dappety sling skism skasm
Bing bang boo
A yip, a yap, a snippety snap
Walla, walla scrappy dappy doo
Piddle paddle fiddle faddle widdle waddle
Awhee clunkety clang
A plop, a fizz, a whackety whiz
Chitty chitty bang wang lang
Zippity doo dang lipidee ay
Oompa loompa doo
A piggly wiggly dooda
Stinky winky linky foo man choo
Plus you gotta dip, you gotta doodle
You gotta shave Grandma's poodle
'Cause Grandma would do the same for you

You gotta libby, you gotta labby
You gotta hug Grandma, even though she's flabby
'Cause you should know Grandma's are people too
Whoa, you gotta love your Grandma

Now if you listened to the words of this song
You know they're coming straight from the heart
Never make fun of your Grandma
Even when she rips a juicy fart

And remember to dip you gotta doodle
You gotta stop playing with your noodle
'Cause Grandma said it will make you go blind

You gotta gipper, you gotta giper
You gotta change Grandma's diaper
And then pretend that you really didn't mind

Whoa, respect to the Grandma

Mr. Bake-O

I'm sittin' in my chair watchin' the TV
It's not even on but there's plenty for me to see
I just lit some crazy ass shit
That my friend overnight-mailed to me

I'm fuckin' wasted
It's the best shit I ever tasted
I think they fuckin' laced it
'Cause I'm so damn lambasted

Oh my friend came over so I packed him a pipe
I told him he better go easy with this shit but he didn't believe the hype

He sparked three bowls just to show he could take it
Two minutes later he was playin' backgammon naked

He's fuckin' wasted
It's the best shit he ever tasted
He's lost in fuckin' spaced-ed
'Cause he's so wicked wicked wasted

Oh I spent the last two hours hiding under my bed
'Cause I looked in the garbage can and I think I saw my Uncle Louie's head

I'm fuckin' wasted

Well my friend blew a hit into my pet bird's face
The bird laughed hysterically and started to moon walk all over the place
He tripped over the toaster wire and fell on his beak
He looked at the two of us and he started to speak

I'm fuckin' wasted
It's the best shit I ever tasted
My brain's been erased-ed
Well fuckin' fried

Now I'm sittin' in the bathtub wantin' something to eat
I wanted a pizza‹the bird said "uh, pepperoni would be sweet"
Delivery guy showed up four hours later, handed me his shoe
I said "we ordered pizza buddy, what the hell's up with you?"

I'm fucking wasted
It's the best shit I ever fuckin' tasted
Oh fuckin' shit

I'm way too baked

What The Hell Happened To Me?

I used to ride my big wheel
And sell lemonade
Eat popcorn with Grandpa while we watched a parade
But now I'm only happy when I'm drinkin' J.D.

What the hell happened to me?

I used to have fun throwing snowballs
With my best friend Billy
Then mom would make us cocoa if we got too chilly
But now I only get excited when I see a girl pee

What the hell happened to me?

I used to be the nicest kid in the neighborhood
I only did the things that Mama said I should
But now I just do whatever I want
I even whipped it out in a restaurant
I used to help clean the park in the middle of town
Then played kickball 'til the sun went down
But now all I do is get VD

What the hell happened to me?

It makes no sense
I can't believe I ended up me
I'm outta my gourd
Won't somebody please help me

I'm kind of a weirdo